She grew on him

She grew on him like poison ivy on a tree
I see , I see
what is She  to him
Frivolous whim
just a plant to water it seems
pass time of no importance
She shall be, She shall be
a game to play
He promised nothing else.
amuse and laugh
please and arouse
a doll to kiss
dress and undress
pretty dresses, lovely face
little talk and lots of fun
Then to the corner to dusty corner
No excuses to cry
when the time is up
bow and smile.

Stary night in his eyes

I saw the stars in his eyes
a tear in mine
Lonely vagabonds in the night
sharing a drink
having a talk
rambling over sadness
misery of time
darts straight to the blank
I saw the stars in his eyes
they´ve never been so beautiful
or so bright.

A ghost

Dark night, pale moon
distant love of the past
memories like faded colors
tears that come too soon
ready and forgetful
the shape of ghost
that haunts lonely nights
creeping under the bed
dragging heavy chains
mourning endlessly
the lost of innocence.

Snake

She crawls through leaves,
around obstacles
She will be seem.
her bitter tongue
rolling dice
the lucky number
You´ll be the one
to be bitten
not to die
just agonize
with the poison of her wrath.

Night

Empty streets of regrets
cloudy night sky
a melancholic bell rings
marking the hour in hell
Slow steps in the stone path
as they go nowhere
as they are lost in the dark
moving shadows
wailing night birds
sacrifice to nox.

No visitors for the old man.

Soft melodies of a crying guitar
old memories hiden in a jar
the time has come
to face life alone
no illusions of eternal bliss
nor hopes on luck
As the world turns his back
Forgotten in a corner
life slips away
shedding tears of misery
longing of the past
anguish of the undone
shaking hands holding the cane
no visitors today.

Not right

How could it be over
it didn´t even started
It was a dream
so much like reality
it did not feel perfect
it did not feel right
it tasted good enough
fair enough
holding hands in the park
a watery kiss
now and then
it was like a charade
we pretended each our part
with sad eyes
long silences
you left me unsatisfied
wishing I´ve never met you
wishing I´ve never embraced
the idea of you being part of my life.

Tell me

My whole body trembles
as leaves in the cold november
you seem distant, thoughtful
serious and tense
I want to know
so tell me for it what it worths
I need to know
Is it me? is it you?
is it the time?
is it that it just doesn´t feel right?
your watery kisses
your reserved ways
I should walk away
turn the page
Every chapter seems secretive
hidding details that at the end
make this book incomplete
utterly hard to read.

Green eyes

 Green eyes staring at me
like emeralds shining in the dark
there was a voice whispering
beware of the wolf
too young and fearless
ready to attack but undecided
I listened the voice
I covered my face
stood still
the green lights went away
leaving me thoughtful
wishing I was brave
to pet the  wolf´s head
with no fear
of losing my hand.

Spinning without control

Everything spins without control
is it my fault?
my streght is slowly leaving my body
while I watch helpless
there is nothing left
the caos took over
it´s beyond control
I fought the battle
I have lost
now I witness the ruins collapse
Smoke and fire all around
Paralyzed by fears
I can not escape.

Poison

Every word, seems so blameless
Every smile seems so naive
you are caressing my hair like silk
looking at me in the eye
seeing through me
waiting for me to give up
there is poison in your touch
it´s killing me but I need more
like delightful pain
pleasing sorrow

To be the one

I have tried to be the one
when I know I am not
I took my part
I played the rol
I said the words
made promises of forever more
I said, I would be good
I won´t be sad no more
But only truth
the one beneath the
 facade
It´s that have lied
I wanted to be the one
so much
I played the rol to convince myself
to be content when I am not
I loved the dream of us
the diamont, the house, the child
Picture of what it should be
but it is not
I take the blame
in exchange for the key
to open my door
´cos I can not stay locked no more.

Illusion anti-break

Darling, darling, darling
you do not need to lie
lies are when you care
for fantasy sake
illusion anti-break
it´s sad to see
 the extent
of what you seek
lies to keep interest
lies to look good
lies to feel good
lies to spare sorrow
lies to make someone a fool
You´re slowly going
down and down
your taste is deceiving
like your entire alibi.

Inner battles

Words entangled in my troat
fighting to be spoken
Glassy eyes staring
weeping heart
lonely silence
hands tied
loosing the battle
before the first shot
lock in a dark corner
forgotten.

Label

The label is there
it says BAD
perhaps I am
mostly Sad
I prefer to jump the ship
that drown on it
the longing for freedom
goes with fear 
Confused and lonely
breathing slowly.
craving for life
passion and rapture
excitement of feel.

Misery in few words

It´s being trapped
it´s a cage of tick bars
it´s seeing the light
but unable to go to it
It´s having a heartache
that does not go away
it´s singing while others
cover their ears
it´s having the certainty
of having no joy
it´s to smile with sad eyes
it´s to have no excitement
it´s like life lost the spark
it´s a blown out candle light
when you find yourself in the dark
 fearing monsters that have lived
too long in dark caves of your mind
it´s keeping secrets
that are carving your flesh to get out
it´s living a lie
it´s being unable to see any way out
it´s dying bit by bit inside.

Today

I think of you, today
I want you so much
I close my eyes
I see your face
smiling at me
like the first day
we met
I think of you, today
I need you so much
I must have you
otherwise I´ll go insane
and I´ll look for you
in every face
I think of you, today
your hands in my hands
intertwined minds
hopeful heart
fearful past
I think of you, today
I know, what I feel
I know want
I want you, Today.

´live today, love today, tomorrow is an illusion, yesterday is gone..all you´ll ever have ..it´s today.`

Not anymore

I can not die every night
I can not lie by being around
It´s not your fault
or my own, it´s something beyond
I deal with despair since long
I made countless mistakes
that made my point less noble
less reasonable for others
I know you want to keep the facade
do not care if I am dying to get away
that´s killing me to see you suffering
own your hands at times
my love is long dead
but you keep carrying the corpse
I can not do it anymore
I can not live a life
pretending to care
smiling when all I want it´s cry.

Tomorrow

You promised tomorrow
 I need today
You give dreams
wishes and words
I want way more
I can´t wait for tomorrows
not for today not anymore
I have cried my half of the river
I have blamed myself not to be strong
for missing and looking for what I long
I wish you well and blame no soul
´cos life shall find a way
even we are no more.

Letter to Granny

Dear Grandma,

 I just heard. You are gone to the land of never more and it's so hard to fully understand that your time came to an end. It took me so long to realize how sweet, independent and wonderful woman, you were.

 I will miss seeing you chewing tobacco or drinking a bit too much. I will miss your inspiring stubborness.

I feel guilty for not talking to you as much as I would want to only because we spoke practically different languages. I know,  I did not try hard enough.

Perhaps, I am writting because I won't have the chance to see you one last time, I won't be able to embrace my mother, pay my last respect or grief like others can.

Grandma, I will miss you deeply beyond you could have ever thought. 

 Maria de la Cruz (1929 - 2013) RIP.

Desire

blinding feeling
tasting a dream
delightful promise
fullfilling bliss
wanting eyes
eger lips
kissing softly
kissing sweet
getting rough
needing more
open arms
getting close
shedding clothes
blocking thoughts
wanting more.

Cynic

I am cynic, my dear
do not try it on me
I have little faith
it has never disappointed me
No cheap lines
of complements
no actual lies
can win my favour
nor interest can tempt me
to the extent, to sell myself
for such low profit
of what you can offer.

The serial charmer

Self confidence and a smile
to rule the world
get what he wants
toys to play
and have his fun
so when the lol is over
to kindly put away in a corner
ready to play with something new
Excellent! splendid! he says
automatic like his smile
so pleasing
so charming
everyone dancing
in the palm of his hand
why would not they?
so sweet as honey
every word he says
it has worked for years
the same scheme all over again
toy after toy used and thrown away.

Mistaken

I bend my head in sign of respect
Praise your knowledge
admire your faith and kindness,
signs of a great man
Somehow you looked upon me
though you found what
you searched for
sadly , I must say
You are mistken
I am friend
loyal ally
for what it worths
a fan of your work
and nothing more.
It is not the moral
of this temporary world
nor the time
that keep me
but the fact that
I can not bear the thought.

Misery

Oh, Misery! why do you follow me?
is it my look or my perfum?
is it my profession linked with depression?
is it my twisted humour or my taste for cynicism?
tell me Oh, Misery!
break your cruel silence
why from all you chose me,
to torment?
you are rooted on me so deep
crooked roots of sadness and desperation
am I became part of you?
or you became part of me?

Chores

Hours of silence
chores, burdens to carry
duty of choice
tears or remorse
the door is closing
I want to push
my thoughts through,
lock them out of here
far away from me.
It's sunny outside
darkness in my mind.

Thoughts

Twisted inside
Feelings and thoughts
Keep me awake
Through dark nights
Sorrow my only certainty
tears in my face
Sorrow in hands
Same story repeat itself
Hurts the same.

Your Excellency(El gran señor)

In grace, he laids
or think he deserves
all wealth, all praise
for being himself
how wrong could he be
So short and ugly being
uncharming fiend
so relaying in position
he delights himself
speeches of past glory
of days far gone
the old man craves for more
 status and money
call him like honey
Your Excellency, yes, sir
no orthographic mistakes
so perfect in the mirror
the old man sees himself
no wrinkle, no flaw
no dissident on the crowd

Haunting thoughts

What it's long or lost
no end to distort
drawing outside
the lines of contour
fainting colors
dark corners
haunting thoughts
of what it's gone.

Hours of a day

A query in the air
lone hours of a day
a dragon asleep
a captive waiting to flee
so many ideas
but nothing to do
fears, haunting clues
suffering the usual blues
fighting boredom
with sword and  a spoon.

Darkness

The night steal the last lights away
cover face of earth in shadows
I wish had more light as time
to finish everything and close
my eyes with the lights
that slowly die by the embrace of darkness
wide open eyes that do not see
beyond the twinkling shimmer of stars
so high and proud.

A sort of apology

Tears in my hands
words in my tongue
how can I make right
what I first did wrong
I wanted you beyond
anything I could explain
I grabbed you with both hands
as my saviour from my caos
I kept you for so long
as a flipping ring around my finger
At the end my worn off lines
were pointless, as you left
when I finally said
I could not leave you again.
So now I am the past
something far and painful
distant memories that haunt you
in cold nights.

Now and then

Now and then

I think of you
like a dream that never came true
like fire that never dies
as the nightmare of the  undone
Now and then
I feel for you
all the feelings I felt before
Wishing I have not met you
longing to have you again
imagining how is to have you
Now and then
I cry for you
for losing you
for crossing you
for being me.

Shooting line

Sweet and sour, taste of mine
a walk along the shooting line
carving scars that remain open
for longer than just a while
 Thoughts that seem dirty
attitude dangerous or flirty
fantasies that flight to high
obsessions, hard to fight
Endless paradox
of being alive.

Paperweight

A pile of books
to heal and sooth
fix my ignorace
or make it sound cool
lose myself in pages
live the life of others
seems far more delightful
that live my life
with sadness and cold
a stone hard heart
as paperweight for flying
dreams and demented poems.

Glassy look

Cold hands that seem long dead
glassy look of distant thoughts
gloomy night without stars
confabulation of dark forces
pushing, twisting, killing
all illusions, all hope
nothing to grab on.

Tears and daftness

Endless night, when all the stars
have left me in the dark
crying for my crimes
knitting guilt and sorrow
in a long,long scarf.
memories refuse to cease
do not faint as they should have
Nights in complete dark
no light of hope
nor dime of joy
tears and daftness my only certainties.

Every memory

Break every memory
wipe all token
that remain after the storm
nothing that brings
a remind of things
that want to be forgotten
bury deep in the sand
shall not make you sad.

Rave

It rains upside down
my sense has  never been found
I look unceasingly for answers
for a sign , for strength
a force so powerful
that can move mountains
so inmense as the milky way.
Defeated and in tears
I can only whispear in rave
where can you be
unstoppable force
so hidden for me.

Fair wall

Farewell, fair wall
we met so well
better that what's beyond
with bleeding knukkles
and a sore forehead
I embraced you,
obstacle on my way
I talked to you
as the only one there
what you holded beyond
was so dear to me
that embracing you
made me feel hope
hope for what
 I was denied of
farewell, fair wall
you made me see
that some things
impossible shall always be
no matter how ardently
they are desired
or how close they seem to be...

Dispair

what can I do with this tears?
that overflow my cheeks
this deep sorrow
being unloved
uncared
unknown
What can I do with words?
sentences that claim
I am very brave
to scream outside
that I am a moron
chasing dreams so high
what can I do with this life?
that bends and changes
never for my gain
but to hurt and pain.

Sadness

It´s raining in my head
all the leaves are grey
I can´t help this fate
the wind blows north
my words turned sore
silence embraced my throat
uncertainty shakes my soul.

Bitter sweet

The flavor your leave in my mind

how to describe such peculiar delight

it is full of life with a touch of fright

so fleeting as a sigh

cruelty dependency

with masochistic tendencies

words  fly  out

accurate darts straight afar

racking effect of what seems less

it´s all in my mind, you said

perhaps I imagine the dread

really you do not what you meant.

Distance

Distance took its toll
distrust reigns in your heart
dark thoughts blind your mind
I can´t be near you
It can´t be as it used to
there is a wall between us
too much to say to defend
pointless arguments
when sentence is served
our time is up
life can´t stop
I place no blame
no sour regrets
wish you well.

Argument

A strange force takes over
I have control no longer
cruel things are said
anything makes sense
feeling empty and sad
as a disagreement became a quarrel
smirk for a smile
words sound so unkind
nothing feels fine
He said should not take it so hard
well a joke is to mock
but why hurts for so long?

Peace

Let us have peace
enjoy concordance
as you are dear to me
I can not longer dispute
Cruel battles are over
It´s time to end hostilities
far more possibilities
to embrace serenity
Let us have peace
tilts wiped by the breeze
sense back in place
delight in our fate.

Unhopeful

Torn in pieces
confused by caprices
delusional crave
hysterical rave

satirical praise
intertwine in lace
love in rage
hate in fate

words that make
utterly no sense
aversion is fake
impossible fence.

Fascination

I find my delight on you
those smiling eyes
that playful smile
the sound of your voice
the unintended touch of your hands
my heart overflows
my eyes can´t hide my devotion
fascinated by your sight
spellbound is my soul
to blindly adore you
unhopeful and lost
every attempt to detach
fantasy from passion.

Enchant me

Embrace me with your words
touch me with your voice
Enchant me with your eyes
that look so divine
Sing songs of melancholic tone
take me to a stroll in the snow
I want to fall in your arms
forget of the world
 the wounds that still sore
Caress my hair softly
let me get lost in the moment
when unaware you
Embrace me with your words
touch me with your voice
Enchant me with your eyes.

Ready to go

Coat on, black boots

ready to go

sail to the land of never more

no sorrows

he leaves so empty

so full of pride

no more lies, he said

no more time

gone to waste

coat on, black boots

ready to go

the clock is ticking

no time to waste

or  tears to spare

no sad speeches

no loving words

not a desperate,

¨please stay¨

it´s time to move on

coat on, black boots

ready to go.

Let's no pretend

Let's no pretend
there is something else
Know well
I am in for the fun
not for the long run
let's no pretend
that we are some one else
playing with masks
playing with facts
playing with what we lack
Let's not pretend
decieve  ourselves
hidding our cards
behind our backs
Let's no pretend
no reason why
helpless fight
to end it, polite.

River´s Stone (revised version)

A rock in the stream

far more beautiful

than the rest

caught my eye

The sun´s light made it stand

among so many

A stone in a pile

so unique needed to be mine

I reached for it

hold it in my hand

but the shine was gone

It was just a stone

that shone under the stream

because of the sun

It was just a rock

dry inside and cold

nothing more.

The walls built around

The arrogance in the eyes
the walls  built around
the mystery surrounding
the impossible marked by a ring
 Such taste for the forbidden
could be hardly hidden
carries adventure in a sight
promises, pleasures divine
a fool rush through
finding indifference so cool
painful delight of being rebuffed
repeatedly silenced
adoring eyes cast away
doomed attempt 
take a brick from the wall
to never see beyond.

Tears

Salty drops fill my cheeks
I can not control the rain
I can not see beyond
my thoughts, my fantasies
ideas that  became beliefs
Subjectives realities
objective dreams
chasing  me
pushing me beyond
the line of insanity
is it the sunset or sundown?
or both in one.
I can not see beyond
my thoughts, my fantasies.

Darling Boo

Darling boo

sweet enchanting are you

a smile wipes away any woe

pleasure and delight

no worries who

always on the run

for something new

I shall weep a tear

or two

for my darling boo

that will be always you.